It’s the saga of the Empty-Nester. How can it be? Summer comes to an end and we are sending our almost-all-grown-up kids off into their next big adventure – college! Can you believe it? Where did their senior year go? How do you wrap your mind around this?
I couldn’t be more proud of my two daughters going off to college. They are everything to me. I have been so busy this past year working and helping them through the chaos of high school’s senior year, the reality of an empty nest hasn’t sunk in. It was kind of a blur. We slogged through studying for SATs, SAT tests, water polo tournaments, Homecomings, finals, drivers’ education, driving practice with me (absolute terror…!), driving tests, college applications, visiting colleges, college admissions, senior projects, college decisions, proms, end of year events, graduations, parties, prepping for college, buying a gazillion things for their schools, traveling to their campuses and forms, and finally, saying goodbye. Oh my!
But suddenly, my heart is gripped with a strange melancholy. Where there was once noise and happy chaos in my home, silence reigns. This is going to take some getting used to…. My babies have flown, my nest is empty. I send them off with endless love and support. I’m extremely proud to watch them soar. And now, I reinvent myself in this world. We are all three off on new journeys of exploration. Amazing.
…
1, 2, buckle your shoe! Floods of memories, floods of tears. Rapid-fire memories: baby being born, 1st sight of baby, baby being placed into my arms, loving this baby, eyes opening, dark blue eyes. The wonder at the first glimpse of this world.
First first first: First school, first grade, first time to buckle that shoe! 3, 4, shut the door! Those slamming doors! So much noise. Can’t get away from it. 5,6, pick up sticks! They start to learn skills. They start to become little people, not just babies.
7,8 lay them straight! But what if they don’t lay them straight? What if they lay them crooked? What if they lay them sideways? Thinking differently and different ways of thinking and it’s all okay. It’s okay, it’s okay, It’s okay. We’ll figure out a path. We’ll find a new school. We’ll get through this together. And we do! If we’re lucky, we stumble upon a school or even a single teacher that understands our children and how they learn.
9,10, do it over again! And again, and again, and again. However many times it takes until those kids become experts. And they do and they learn, and we learn too! And suddenly, suddenly, they’re out the door. Out the door and flying the nest!
But where does that leave us? At home with the nest – a nest that oddly seems smaller and rather dingy around the edges. And that strange, unsettled feeling like we’re forgetting something. Where did those children go? Where did those big eyes go? The sticky little fingers, those adorable wee toes – gone gone gone! Where did childhood go? How did it unfold so quickly? Just when we were getting the hang of it, it has come to an end and they’re off on their next adventure. And so are we!
9, 10 do it over again! And we do it over again and again and again, and we step into the next chapter of our lives – empty nesters watching our children move into their future. 9, 10, do it over again! Eventually, there will be grandchildren, and we may fall onto this circular journey of life once more, but in a different capacity. 9, 10, do it over again.
I would do it over and over and over again – even though it was so much work and heartache and pain. Even though! There was also loads of love and laughter. Don’t forget that. How lucky we all are. 9, 10, do it over again…. Yes.
Tag: fatherhood
Titanic
Falling, falling, falling. He was only 19 years old.
“I don’t want to go on this trip, Dad.”
At what point did terror grab his heart? When was it that the chilled fingers of fear crept up his spine and clutched his heart so hard, he couldn’t breathe?
“I’m never getting out. We’ll never make it back to the surface. I’ll never see the sun again….”
At what point did the darkness envelop the little submersible and the boy knew without a doubt that he would not live to see another day. Was he angry at his father? Did that cross his mind? Or did it all happen too fast – falling, falling, falling; floating, floating, floating.
Did they feel pain? They say the Titan Submersible with its six doomed passengers imploded first and then exploded. The pressure of the sea was so powerful, it simply crushed them in its grip. And then it exploded – perhaps sparks and light for only a moment before being extinguished forever by the blackness of the deep.
What did that feel like? What could it feel like? Or did they feel anything? I hope not. Were they already dead from the insane compression bearing down upon them or maybe a lack of oxygen made their brains slow down? Was there screaming or chaos within the bowels of the little ship? Was there time to panic? Or was life simply ripped from them, all at once, without warning?
The hapless Titan went down into the icy sea farther than a free diver can dive, farther than a massive submarine can venture. Falling, falling, falling. So far down that not even the tiniest rays of sunlight can penetrate the depth. It’s absolutely pitch black. Bleak darkness. Wretched darkness.
There’s outer space, but this is inner space. Inner space. Think of that – an obscure region recessed into the bowels of planet earth. It is far, far away, and so isolated that no one could ever save you if something went wrong. If there were a problem, you’re absolutely inaccessible, like floating in space. You are floating in inner space. You’ll never survive. No one can hear. No one can hear your cries. No one can hear you die. Do you still exist? Or do you just fade to black and you’re gone? Another soul claimed by Titanic.
Did they know? Did they know they were going to die? The captain must have known before the others – that foolhardy man who refused to conduct further safety tests. How did that feel? How long did it take before fear set into his heart? Before the others knew things were going terribly wrong? Did they know they were plunging to their death? The boy didn’t want to go. But his father insisted and bought tickets to a graveyard at the bottom of the sea. Father knows best.
“I don’t want to go, Dad. It’s too dangerous. I don’t really care about the Titanic. That’s your thing, not mine. I’ve seen the movie – been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt. Don’t make me go. Don’t make me go. Don’t make me go…. I’m scared.”
When you die young, does your short life flash before your eyes? Or perhaps all the things you could have been? The boy could’ve graduated from college at the top of his class. He could’ve had a brilliant career. He could’ve fallen in love and had children. How beautiful his life could have been. Did all those things flash before his eyes? All the things he would never do? The adult he would never be? He could’ve cured cancer or solved world hunger. Could’ve been the answer to so much in our world. But we lost him. Gone.
Did he think of his mother waiting patiently back home, fully expecting her husband and son to return on schedule? When did the realization hit her that her family was lost? That she would never see them again? How does it feel to lose so much in one fell swoop? Did she remember that her son didn’t want to go? Did she somehow wish she could grab the unforgiving hands of time and force them backwards with all her might? Turn them back. A do-over. Just once. Please. To take back the mere hours that separated her from the lost.
But time ticks forward mercilessly, just as the cruel sea eternally churns and flows. Tourism is frowned upon in the deep, where bitter tears mix with salt water, and it all becomes one. Lost at sea. Inner space. Washed away. They’re lost and far away now. Far away and gone. Floating, floating, floating. Falling, falling, falling. Falling down. Again.
Titanic.
Fleeting Moments
Can you believe our kids’ have finished their last day of school for the year? Goodbye hallowed halls of learning! They’ll soon be moving on to all the joy (and stress) of the next. Like a train that only slows slightly but never actually reaches the station, we are propelled from one school year to the subsequent. Take a deep breath. We have about 2 months to prepare ourselves mentally for the next transition.
If your kids will be entering junior high, God help you. There are far too many hormones running rampant within those classrooms. Middle school is simply to be endured, with the quiet knowledge that high school is better, and a tiny bit of maturity can work wonders with most kids.
For parents whose children are approaching their senior year of high school (and yes, that does include me), get ready for an emotional rollercoaster with college applications, SAT tests, and the joys and sorrows of getting accepted or rejected from schools. Hold on tight! It is going to be a doozy. This is our last real summer with our kids, because next year they’ll be college bound and already have one foot out of the nest. Enjoy it. It’s going to go fast. They’re on the brink of adulthood and chomping at the bit to get out there and see what life has to offer them.
The choice of college is everything. It really is a massive decision. College is a place where kids put all the pieces together and begin to take shape as young adults. If they go off to a college across the country, that’s where their new friends will be and new opportunities. They may decide to stay in that part of the world after graduation. They may meet their future partner in life. The people that surround them will have a profound impact on the way they think and how they see the world. This is big. Help them to choose wisely.
Wishing you a wonderful and restful summer break. Go do great things with your kids! Or nothing at all. Sometimes the best vacations aren’t long journeys to exotic places, but simply the short jaunts where you spend lots of time together, laughing. So, laugh! And give them lots of hugs. Enjoy these fleeting moments. You don’t get them back.
Musings of a Super Mom 