Mother’s Day is here again and with it come sweet memories of new arrivals, sleepless nights, and watching your little ones grow up and move out into the world. Motherhood is the toughest job you’ll ever love.
I remember when the adoption of my eldest daughter came through and I was finally going to be a mom after many years of heartache. I went to church that morning and the priest asked the mothers in the congregation to come forward to receive a flower, celebrating their important role in society. I quietly sat back in my pew, watching almost every woman in the church walk down the aisle to receive their blossoms. It didn’t occur to me to join them. My then-husband prodded me and said, “Hey, you’re a mom! You need to get a flower.”
At that moment, it dawned on me that yes, indeed, I was a mother. The reality hit me with a resounding thud. Through the endless official documents and interviews and too much time waiting, the idea that one day a child would call me ‘Mommy’ had not sunk in. But our daughter was on her way. Soon, I would hold our newborn infant in my arms and breathe her sweet baby essence.
A baby. My baby. My daughter was arriving through the magic of adoption. I found it tremendously challenging to shrug off the lingering sense of being a fraud as I cautiously navigated my way down the center aisle of the church, feeling I could get called out at any time for being an interloper. “Hey lady, where’s your kid? Sit down – you’re not a mom!” But I knew in my heart I was. I took a deep breath and gratefully accepted my pink carnation from the priest.
After a few weeks and a very long flight to the other side of the globe, all my dreams would come true. And they did. In wild ways I never expected! Days before my adopted child was born, I found out I was also pregnant with a surprise baby. True story! And what a surprise she was. After years of fruitless fertility treatment, this child appeared out of nowhere to take her rightful place in our lives next to her beloved sister.
My two young daughters instantly became the apples of my eye. Life is exhausting and chaotic with one new baby in the house, much less, two. But it was a labor of love – I had the children of whom I dreamed – children that were never supposed to exist. When you’re told you’ll never have a family – but the universe throws a miraculous curve ball at you – it’s hard not to gape in wonder. I literally felt thankful every day. I was doing all the mundane things I never thought I would do – singing lullabies, warming bottles, changing diapers. Nothing exciting but everything I wanted in life. I was at last a mom. Eventually those little girls began calling me “Mommy”. I cried the first time it tumbled off their lips. But just like that, I was Mommy! So much magic, so many blessings, so much love.
My neighbor, Susan, stopped me on the street one day and brazenly asked me what kind of drugs I was taking. What was she talking about? Susan explained, “Listen, I know you have two babies in your house, and you’re sleep deprived and miserable, yet I see you walking up and down the street every day with that heavy double stroller and you’re glowing! You must be on something to smooth over the bumps, right?” I was at a loss for words. How could I begin to explain that I’d found wonder and purpose in my daughters’ eyes? I shrugged, gave Susan a smile, and kept on walking. If she didn’t understand now, she never would.
‘Mother’. Often the moniker is taken for granted, but never by those who have struggled for it. You earn the title of ‘Mother’ and when you work hard for something, you appreciate it more. It’s a fact. I have never gotten over my good fortune in becoming mother to my brilliant daughters. They make me proud every day.
Mother’s Day holds a special place in my heart. On this day, I remember the sad, dark years when I was swept into the chaos of fertility treatment and despair – and I whisper a prayer of thanks to the universe. When my children appeared in my life, the slate was wiped clean, and the crushing pain evaporated as though it had never existed. Being mother to my vibrant and hilarious daughters hasn’t been easy, but it’s been wonderful, filling my life with laughter. I can honestly say motherhood has made me a better person – stronger, more compassionate, more loving. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this beautiful, rambling journey.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and grandma’s out there, and to anyone who assumes the demanding and rewarding role of mother in a child’s life. You matter. And you make the world a better place. Have a fabulous day!